


Valhalla Halfway Home for the High Functioning

by demonlifehealer



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - Real World, Anxiety, Babysitting, Between Rage and Serenity, Caboose's parents are ashamed of his condition., Church believes he is a robot ghost, Community - Freeform, Delusions, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Eccentric Genius, Everyone Has Issues, Everyone has a mental illness, F/F, F/M, Families of Choice, Family Bonding, Family Dynamics, Food Issues, Gen, Gender Fluid Character, Gender Identity, He's still an asshole though., M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mentally Slow Caboose, Multiple Pairings, Narcolepsy, OCD, Past Relationship(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rage Disorder, Single Parents, So Wrong It's Right, Social Anxiety, Strippers & Strip Clubs, There are so many sexy tags there is no point adding them here., Twins, ish, pairing off, parental abandonment, team as a family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-02-28
Packaged: 2018-05-18 17:11:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5936368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonlifehealer/pseuds/demonlifehealer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sheila had a dream when she was younger about opening a halfway home for the high functioning mentally disabled with her sister Phyllis (FILSS). She now doesn't ever have to worry about having a boring day! Things only get more interesting as the single Father and recovering sex addict "Lavernius Tucker" joins the fray. He just thinks that everyone who lives here is insane. These are snapshots of life for the clients of the Valhalla Halfway Home Community. </p><p> </p><p>Multiple Pairings. Multiple Friendships.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sheila and the Deadly Resume.

**Author's Note:**

> This idea would not leave me alone so here it is. I wanted a "real world" version of Red Vs. Blue and let's face it. These characters have some issues!

Valhalla Halfway House

Sheila looked down at the paper which rallied her on her desk. The flimsy resume mocked the administrator as she took a quick glance out of her window. It was a sunny day. In bold font read the name “Lavernius Tucker, Alias: Tucker Love". Phyllis has insisted they do a new program dedicated to mental health and children. 

Sheila didn’t know what her twin was thinking. They had enough problems with their current residents. It was only due to Dr. Grey’s sway in the community and Caboose’s parent’s need to keep their son’s condition hush hush that their little halfway house community continued to exist. Her gaze followed down the cobblestone walkway to the newly completed cabin. It was an eco design with blue shutters and a round shape. The hut was placed further away from the other homes. 

The woman let out a sigh as she combed her tanned hand through her long blond hair. Her tailored blue blouse outlined her toned figure perfectly. When she said she wanted a halfway house for high functioning people with mental illness she didn’t think she would get it. Shelia was happy with the way things were. Phyllis wanted to expand their programming to include children and while it would give them more grant opportunities it was unknown territory. Sheila believed it was too much liability to place on the organization.

The resume continued to sit there. Tucker Love, what a name. Single father of a four year old little boy with verbalization issues. Sex addict in recovery, well wasn’t that wonderful? Probably explains the kid. There was a typed letter from Mr. Love’s social worker explaining how Junior would benefit from daily speech therapy and how Mr. Love held a full time job but was being kicked out of his apartment due to management changing hands and raising rent prices. This social worker was smart because she included a picture of the little boy.

Tucker had spent time in jail for marijuana, other than that his record was clean. His social worker cited his non-violent nature multiple times in her letter. 

Sheila wondered how Tucker could have even known about the opening. Sheila had only allowed Phyllis to provide one opening and they were weeks away from announcing it. Sheila pursed her lips at the photo. He was a cute little kid and she was desperate to get Phyllis off her back.

The administrator heard knocking at her door. Her appointment was here. “Come in.” A skinny black man with low hanging dreadlocks came through the door. He seemed worried for a moment before a confident smile overcame him. He was followed closely by a little child who held his hand. The child looked like he had either Indian or Asian features in combination with his African American one’s.

“Mr. Tucker it is a pleasure to meet you and your son.” Sheila stated as she held out her hand.

“Please call me Mr. Love and believe me the pleasure is all mine.” Tucker purred as grabbed her hand and looked her up and down. The blond lady’s previously pleasant face turned dark. “Stay off the treads, buddy.” She growled.

“Woah! You’re too hot to handle for me! I’m a lover not a fighter.” The man placated as he sat down.

“Gar?” His son asked as he pointed to the administrator.

“I don’t think she would mind. Mrs. Sheila, would you mind if he plays with his toys while we speak.”

“I wouldn’t mind that at all.” The man nodded to his son who took his cars from his alien backpack and began to play quietly on the floor.

“So about this place…”

“This is a community for high functioning people with mental illness who are hesitant to return fully to society. All members of this community must have a job or go to school, must go to regular therapy, meet with their case workers, and must do one team building exercise a week.“

“I can do that.”

“Where are you currently employed?”

“I work for an online website that’s dedicated to giving out love advice. I do the evening shows and answer love questions. I do this mostly at home but every once in awhile I am given a “on the street" assignment. I can get you my pay stubs tomorrow.” Sheila chose not to comment on the fact that the man’s last name was Love and he was a professional love advice guru.

“Our child program is new and we require that all children be attending some form of school and therapy if it is designated. We also require that you have a babysitter for anytime you go out. We will not condone a child being left alone.”

“I got that covered. My intern Palomo can take care of babysitting while I’m at work and I have another babysitter named Jenson that can help me.”

“I will need to do background checks. And schooling?”

“Junior goes to a charter school and that takes up a good amount of my pay but it’s like they say, only the best, right?” 

“I read in his file that he has verbalization issues.”

“Oh yeah, that. I don’t know why that is. I can understand him just fine but I’ve been taking care of him since he was a baby. He is really smart and cool, but he always has spoken like that. I don’t know when he will start talking normally.”

“Gah.”

“Yeah, we do have to work on that.” Tucker told his son. The little boy shrugged before going back to his cars.

“You’ve been taking care of him since he was a baby?” Sheila questioned.

“Yeah, why do you think I sought treatment for my sex addiction? Condom broke and nine months later I have his Mom knocking on my door going on about how she couldn’t handle the responsibility and wasn’t going to “shame her family” by announcing her son. She literally had him on the bathroom floor and hid her pregnancy from her family. I got him the night he was born and I am grateful I did. I have full custody. Junior is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

“Gah Har.” 

“Yeah, love you too buddy.”

Sheila smiled as the man’s eyes shown with affection for his son. “We have to discuss your criminal record.” Tucker winced.

“Yeah, I grew weed, got caught, and kept growing it and got caught again. I wasn’t in for anything violent and I got let out early for good behavior. This was all before Junior was born.”

“I see. And why do you feel this program would help you?”

“Honestly, we have a week left to move out. I don’t want Junior in a shelter and I don’t have the money to stay at a hotel until I find a new apartment. I am a recovering sex addict and I figured that maybe I may make a few friends here. It can’t be any crazier than surviving out in the world. We need a place to stay and I need to place where I am surrounded by people who know the struggle.”

“And you ARE aware that we house different diagnoses here?”

“Completely.”

“Do you think this is a good environment for your son?”

“It’s better than a shelter or the street.”

Sheila stared at the man in front of her. Tucker stared back. Junior continued playing with his cars without a care in the world. 

“One more question Mr. Love. How did you find out about our opening?” The man looked sheepish for a moment until he answered. 

“I was telling someone backstage my issues with housing when she said that her brother had said something about an opening. I asked Junior’s social worker about it and she did a follow up.” Sheila narrowed her eyes. She could tell that Tucker was cleaning up his story for her sake and she had a stinking suspicion about who had told who. That being said she had no reason to deny him. 

“Then welcome to Valhalla Halfway house. I’m sure you will fit in fine.”


	2. You Got Sarged!

The older man growled as he watched the new neighbors move in from the porch. Crikes! Sarge shook his head in disgust. He stiffly marched back into his own cabin and made his way into the bathroom. He stopped in front of the mirror examining himself. White. Tanned skin. Dirty blonde hair. Short but muscular. He took note of his standard military style buzz cut and the deep scar to the side of his head. The former soldier gently touched the scar. It no longer felt pain from the bullet.

The soldier gazed into the mirror and yelled out, “Today is a good day to die!” He smiled his most vicious war smile and continued on his way. The cobblestone path led from outside his home to the other cabins. He marched to the newest cabin. Construction had finished on it a few weeks ago. It was a little further back than the other cabins and it had blue shutters.

_Suspiciously blue shutters._

The Army veteran shook in anxiety. Who had they let in this time? Last time it was that know it all soldier boy who was too emotionally constipated for his own good. The former soldier walked over to where his new neighbor was moving boxes. 

“So we have another filthy blue do we?” The Colonel asked into the air. The ebony man turned to look at him. Sarge’s soldier mind assessed the situation quickly, looking for any weak points that the other may have. Their new neighbor wasn’t overly built and had a calm expression on his face.

“What?” Tucker asked confused. 

“Your shutters boy! They are blue and I came to warn you that you are on the battlefield now! You filthy blue! Prepare for war!” The deep southern accent announced. 

The man looked back at his cabin and zeroed in on the blue shutters. He turned to look the soldier in the eye. “Yeah, they’re blue. so what?”

“Great Jehosaphats! You don’t even know what side you’re on! Oh what has become of the chain of command since I left? You poor blue bastard.” Sarge lamented. The other man continued to look at him confused.

“Yeah, well, I’m Tucker.” The man awkwardly stated as he held out his hand. The soldier’s eyes narrowed at the appendage.

“Don’t get too friendly with me blue! This is still a war!” Tucker pulled his hand back.

“Dude, this is a rental home. We’re not at war. Everyone is the same.” Sarge could feel his pupils dilate from the obvious propaganda.

“Lies! Filthy blue lies! You’re insane! Oh, we finally have someone who has snapped under the pressure! Therapy! You need therapy and lots of it! Oh the insanity! Not at war? life is war you filthy blue! And I will not let you forget it! Drop and give me infinity!”

“No way man. I am way too tired. If you know what I mean, Bow chicka bow wow.”

“What in tarnation? Refusing a direct order? Oh God, the insubordination!” 

“Hey Dude..”

“That is Colonel to you, Private!” 

“Yeah, I’m not calling you that. Mind chilling out a little. My son will be here by tonight and I don’t want him to be yelled at or freaked out.”

“You procreated? Oh no! A world with more blues! Why, Oh why? I can’t attack a kid! He hasn’t even gone through basic training yet! It would be too cruel!” 

“What would be too cruel?” A high voice asked from the side. Both Sarge and Tucker looked over to see a white young man in his late twenties standing behind Sarge. He was at least a foot taller than both of the men. He had light blond hair which looked like bed head and wide large blue eyes. The soldier turned and saluted the other man.

“Good Morning Private Caboose!” 

“Good Morning Sir! It is good to see you Sir!” The other excitedly stated. He seemed genuinely happy to see the Veteran.

“Darn straight! At ease private!” The salute stopped. 

“Oh we have a new visitor! I am so excited! Pleased to meet you Mr. neighbor! My name is Caboose and this is Mr. Sarge and we will have so much fun together!” Caboose rambled out as he furiously shook Tucker’s hand. The other winced as he shook back. Once the new resident got his arm back he rubbed it to get some feeling back into his hand.

“I’m Tucker.” 

“Yes, and he’s a filthy blue!” Sarge added in.

“But I am a filthy blue too!” Caboose happily added. 

“Your color class was a typo! I refuse to believe it!” The Sarge declared. 

“But I like blue.” The tall man simply stated. 

“Ah, the insanity! C’mon Private Caboose! We have training to do!”

“Oh! Are we going to play the push up game again?” The other blue innocently asked. 

“Good Lord son! Don’t call it that! The enemy will think we’re a bunch of pansies!”

“Oh, I like picking flowers!” 

“Not those kinds of pansies. You know what, just forget it.”

“Ok! Done and done! Goodbye Mr. Tucker! I hope we can play again later!”

“Yes, enjoy the time you have left because I will be keeping an eye out for you Blue.” 

The two walked off down the walkway until they were unseen by Tucker. The man shook his head, all of a sudden wondering if this really WAS better than being on the street. Tucker looked a little freaked out however true to his nature he snapped out of it quickly. He continued to move boxes into his house. 

Phyllis sat at her desk as Sheila went out to do case management today. She was a toned, white lady who always kept her blond hair up in a professional bun. She wore a tailored cream colored suit with a matching pencil skirt. Her twin sister was technically the administrator of the Valhalla Halfway House but the two commonly switched jobs and ran the office together. There was only so much they could take within their given job title. 

Phyllis readied herself as the door to her office was slammed open. 

“General Phyllis! Colonel Sarge reporting for duty! Permission to speak freely!” The military man yelled out as he held a salute. His body jumped trembled with panicked excitement.

“At ease Colonel. Permission granted. Once again I will remind you that I am not a General. What can I help you with?”

“The war! Oh we were given another blue on the battlefield! He doesn’t believe that we are all training for war! The boy is insane! And he has a kid! We don’t need a kid around here! It will ruin our training exercises!”

“I’m sorry Colonel. Command has made it clear that Mr. Tucker is to be staying here.”

“But why? It’s a complete disaster waiting to happen!”

“Command does not like being questioned Colonel. We do not question Command.”

“I know. Can I kick him out?” The man dejectedly stated.

“That would be against the rules and ill advised. I cannot permit you to sabotage another soldier’s chances at recovery and stability.”

“I know but…”

“Are you whining soldier?” He icily asked. The Veteran sprung up.

“No General! Whining is improper and is an embarrassment to the Army itself!” The man repeated.

“Good! We will honor Command’s orders! Is that clear soldier?”

“Yes, General!”

“Good. You are dismissed.”

“Thank you General! It has been a pleasure as always!”

Phyllis let out a breath of relief as the soldier left her office. All those years she spent in the military certainly payed off. She looked at the American flag which adorned her office and her medals for excellent service which hung from the right wall next to Sheila’s Master’s of Business Degree. She needed all the experience she could get when dealing with Sarge.

She stood up to reach for his file to add his concerns to his report. Sarge’s file was a standard red color and at least four inches wide. The man had many concerns. Phyllis passed over the page detailing the head wound the Colonel received while on active duty and added the newest information to the notes.

They would have to get him a new folder soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sarge seems like the type to have eventually suffered from an brain injury. Thank you to everyone who bookmarked, gave kudos to, or reviewed this story! This story doesn't get as much attention from me but it is one that I enjoy writing even if the updates are long. Thank you and have a wonderful night!

**Author's Note:**

> That's it for chapter 1. Hope you enjoy it and thank you for reading! Have a wonderful day!


End file.
